june 12 of 12: end of the year

a few days ago, an acquaintance made the offhanded comment that, since the school year is almost over, things must be relatively easy for me job-wise right now. that is just so far from the truth. now is my busiest time of the year, the time when i feel the most inundated with work - and the most unproductive. my 12 of 12 for june depicts the last sunday before school ends, in the life of a teacher.

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coffee is a staple these days. iced or hot, i drink it a lot. and i'm still tired. sometimes i look longingly at those 5-hour energy drinks and mentally calculate what time it could be when i finally run out of steam for the day. 

the garden as seen through the window where i work. i long to go out there, to smell the peonies or deadhead the pansies. or just sit. but the work is inside these days. i dream, knowing that in a few week's time, the garden will be my haven. 

budget is due. this is the time i decide what i will need for supplies in order to teach and run my programs next year. spreadsheets, catalog numbers, shipping costs, object and function codes. it can get pretty overwhelming. and i feel so responsible for the decisions i make and for the money i request. 

slide shows. you've seen these. highlights of the year, visual reminders of special events and lots of happy children's faces. kids and parent love these. they represent hours of work for the person making the show and, if the creator is as particular as i am, finding suitable music to accompany the presentation is hard. making it match the mood of the pictures and sync with the transitions between slides is near impossible. but it doesn't stop me from trying. 

this is bed. when i'm in it, i'm am often lying awake, thinking of all that needs doing. when i'm sleeping in it, i just can't wake up. mid-afternoon i longingly look at the pillow and think just a short nap, just a wee snooze. and i do. the crumpled pillowcase is evidence of this. 

much later, perhaps a walk - just to clear my head. i go about 200 yards before i turn and sprint back to the house and the work. a walk just seems like too much of a luxury right now. besides, like the garden, there will be time for this in a few weeks. 

take out food for dinner. i suppose it could be worse - these are supermarket deli meatballs. it's not like i'm eating cheeseburgers from a drive-through window, after all. mostly because i did that already this week. 

dishes in the sink. i just don't get to them. for days. you'd think i could take a moment to at least rinse out the milk carton. but no. 

my most recent netflix mailing, from the middle of may, sits on the living room cabinet, untouched and covered with a thin film of june dust. i try to remember my netflix password - and can't. it's been that long...

i don't call my family. i don't call my friends. not this weekend. fortunately, there is only one call all day and i don't pick up. sorry, unidentified caller. 

but regardless of what else is going on, it's never, ever too busy to babysit, just for a few hours. the little girl is the best diversion right now. just what i need to keep me sane for a couple more days. 

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and the ultimate example of how busy and distracted i get in june? i only took 11 pictures. sigh. my 11 of 12 for june. july will be so much better. 

the loaner

my car is in the shop for a day. while the service department is  working on it, the dealership has given me this loaner to drive. it's my car, a few years older and just different enough to be unsettling. first off, it's an automatic, not a five-speed. having my left foot still and stationary takes some mighty effort and i have to consciously fight the urge to brake with it. at one point, after pulling off the road for a line of screaming fire trucks, i hold down the brake (thinking it's the clutch, of course) and try to give the car some gas to get going. and i couldn't figure out why on earth i was going nowhere, spinning wheels even! as if that's not bad enough, the radio presets look and feel just like my own - but of course, they are not. someone else's cds are in the player. and i had to get out of the car and shut the trunk after i unwittingly unlatched it while trying to open the gas tank door. i'm so looking forward to having my comfortable old car back - and soon!

cool colors

small snippets of time spent in the garden this weekend and i am finally making some headway. i have made the bold move to try to eradicate the oranges and most of the yellows in my perennial garden, leaving only pinks, violets, blues and whites. cool, soothing hues with no mid-summer riot of color. not certain i can bring myself to do it, but i sure am going to try.

rose-colored lupine - white chrysanthemum - purple iris

spring evergreens

glancing out the window, i was taken by the brilliant green tips of the new growth on the pines at the edge of the woods. such a contrast to the mature "ever-green" growth that's been there for a year's time. 

the perfect post

remember that book, the perfect storm, the one about the confluence of weather systems in the north atlantic that ended so badly for a boat full of commercial fishermen? that's a morbid example, but i am always fascinated when things fall into place to create something remarkable or memorable. when ducks line up in a row. when the chips fall where they may, and it works. when it was meant to be.

this is my 1,000 post. i've seen it coming for a few weeks now and have been thinking about what i would post when the time came. unable to come up with anything epic, i'd sort of decided to just let it happen - flowers, stars, little girl antics - whatever was going on at the time. no fanfare. then began the convergence of several posts by bloggers i read.

first, on sunday matt conlon at =]V[= posted his 200th post (congratulations, matt!). way back when, i was one of matt's first followers and still look forward to reading his blog for his tech information, his  references to new england, and for his wacky humor. as part of his celebratory posting, matt put up an award, free for the taking, and i thought maybe i should grab matt's award and use it for my 1000th post! hmmmm.

and lo! Gail Underwood Parker at Upbeats and Downbeats sent me an award: "Because she is always there with a photo to inspire, to calm, to focus, and thoughts to catch my breath...." isn't that a lovely sentiment? thank you, Gail!  truly, i am not one for awards, mostly because it's expected that the recipient  pass them on and that means choosing from among too many of my favorites. but this honor came at such a serendipitous time, that i'm going to go along with it. not sure yet how i'm going to pass it on, tho...

finally on wednesday, tabor at one day at a time posted a "virtual love letter" to her readers that struck a chord with me. in it, she said "If we (bloggers) had met at a wine or ice cream bar our outspoken ideas may have halted the minute we found our differences. But with blogging we slowly learn that we are all so VERY much alike in spite of our politics, religious beliefs, sexual preferences, and taste in cooking." very true! i am not at all an extrovert and i wouldn't even have gone to that wine or ice cream bar! without blogging, i never would have met so many amazing people.

when i started to blog, one thousand posts ago, it was mainly to force myself to look for and take a photograph a day. in time, the post's writing became important to me and i was thrilled to find family and close friends actually liked what i saw and thought. with the blog of note award in 2010, readership and commenting soared to the point where it was almost overwhelming. and now, i am left with a comfortable circle of friends and readers that i love to post for because, even though we come from different backgrounds and circumstances and from all corners of the earth, in tabor's words, we are very much alike! I am humbled that you choose to come back here time and again - and i sincerely thank you so much for that.

lastly, a special word to my very first follower, bob walto. thanks for sticking with me all these years, bob. i hope you're reading still.

garden whimsey

purchased this weekend at a local garden club sale, this make-do creation was intended to be a hummingbird feeder. isn't it unusual? i've taken the blue scrubber out of the top bowl and filled it and the second bowl with water and am hoping for bathing birds outside my window. as yet i've not seen any. in the meantime, i am scrounging cabinets looking for goblets and bowls so i can make another such creation for a friend, who will love it!

memorial day

my dad served in world war II before we were born. he never talked about the war when we were kids, despite our curiosity about it. the only instance i recall was when one of us innocently drew a swastika and he got angry. as he got older, though, and newer memories escaped him, only distant ones remained and he talked more freely to his adult children about them. 

my father was an air force navigator in a bomber and flew missions over europe. he told the story of a young serviceman from the south who was his friend and the bombardier on his plane. during one flight, my dad's plane was struck by another coming out of a cloud bank. the bombardier was ejected from the plane and my father watched in horror as he fell to earth and his death over france. they were both in their early 20s.

this is the only first-person account of war i know. i think of it when i see a veteran in uniform, when i read  of a soldier's death, when i pray for friends' sons and daughters serving in far-off places. i imagine how many other deaths there are like this one - and worse. and i am overcome with feelings of sorrow and disbelief. remembering what this day is about, bless those who keep us safe and free, those who have served us in the past, and those who have selflessly given their lives for our freedoms. 

today's grand total

tolls - $2.00

gas - $34.53

tip - $5.00

breakfast with my brothers and sisters in my old home town - priceless!

score!

exciting news in sports this weekend (yay bruins! go red sox!) but this is my big score - a telescope purchased at a yard sale to benefit a town organization. it was priced high for a used telescope with no manual, and i passed on it at first. but as i meandered around looking at other things, someone announced that every thing was being discounted to 50%. i scuttled back and picked this up for $25. now, i just need to figure out how to use it! my summer project... look out, jupiter - here i come!

obviously NASA's, not mine!

toothbrush

the latest in toothbrush technology for the baby-toothed set. the little girl chose this one herself. the handle is shaped like a crayola crayon and there's a suction cup to make it stand on end. when a switch is turned, light flashes from within the plastic cylinder, a timer to let the the tooth brusher know how long to scrub. it's funny to watch the little girl brush her teeth in the dark, in the blue light, in the mirror. 

greens

driving home late this afternoon, i open windows wide for the first time this season, drinking in the sunlight and breathing in the air. it's heaven! i pass house after house where grass has been mowed and the green smell hangs in the air. kids play outside, folks ride in motorcycles and in convertibles with the top down, cooking smells emanate from back yards. and there is green - lush, uniform, deep green - everywhere i look. for the first time this year, it feels like summer is coming. 

i love this time of year. when it looks and feels and smells and sounds like summer - and you smile to yourself knowingly, keenly aware that there are many more days and weeks with growing amounts of sunlight before we even reach the official solstice.

perpetual birthday card

i only buy birthday cards that make me laugh. and twenty-five years ago, this one made me laugh out loud! after reading the cover message You look younger every year! i opened the card and read,

Yours truly, 

   Pinocchio

i still think it's one of the funniest birthday cards i've ever read! 

back then, i bought this card and sent it to a good friend on the occasion of a landmark birthday. i thought the card so hysterical that i signed it with a post-it note so she could pass it on to someone else. she passed it on, all right - right back to me on my birthday a few months later! for almost eight years, we sent this card back and forth, adding messages about our respective ages and often a note hinting at a major life change. in 1995, i searched for the card and couldn't find it. but it turned up again nine years later and i gleefully sent it back. then my friend lost it for seven years. and now, i'm delighted to see it again, in my mailbox on my birthday weekend, with yet another post-it note sentiment. twenty-five years ago, we joked that we might keep this card traveling between us until one of us reaches 100. i think we may do just that!

trillium

here's painted trillium i found in remote woods a few days ago. there were more of these plants in one place than i've ever seen before! i planted a dozen plants of this variety last spring, nursery stock purchased at a local garden club plant sale. if any have come up, i can't find them and i'm disappointed to not have these flowers this year as expected. for days now, i have been fighting the urge to go and dig some from that over-abundant spot. so isolated is this area that they'd hardly be missed. but the nature girl in me knows how wrong it is to transplant from the wild to a garden setting, even if it is on the edge of the woods. 

another year

this is time, passing by. mostly, i don't even notice, so caught up am i in family and friends, work and the wonderment of days. then there are days like this one, when i am so keenly aware of its marching on, whether i want it to or not.  and today, it has brought me another year to look forward to.

flower!!!

remember this posting of three weeks back? my surprise little yellow cactus flower? it continued to grow and change daily and here's what it looked like when i walked into work today! yikes!

tick

spring around here is tick-time and this year is a banner one. since wednesday evening, ten of these minibeasts have made their way inside and quickly met their demise squashed between two lengths of scotch tape. however, one got away and was caught too late - this morning, embedded in my side. alas, tweezer removal was unsuccessful and a trip to the emergency room ensued. there the little sucker was surgically removed, still clinging to the small ellipse of skin in the blue plastic bowl. needless to say, tonight, hours later, my skin is still crawling. 

may 12 of 12: by the numbers

for a very long time, i've had this odd fascination with numbers. i can't wait for dates like this one, i get a thrill when the phone number of the new pizza joint is the transposed number of an acquaintance's phone, or when i can add all the digits on a license plate and keep the total under 20. so i planned to make this 12 of 12 about some of the numbers i encountered on day 12 in may.

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16.5 

the average time in minutes it takes to do hair and makeup. today i was a little over that. there are some days when i wonder if it's even worth the time at all.

6

that's how many years i've had these birkenstocks. they're my favorite shoes in summer, my slippers (with socks) in winter. twice i've tried to replace them with what the salespeople insist is exactly the same shoe. i don't think so. 

1234

this is a project i've been working on since last summer: assigning bar code numbers to all the books in my schools' collections. it's necessary but tedious work and i try to find some diversion by noting the unique numbers that are coming up. this is 1234 and, because it's such a familiar numerical sequence, i try to remember the book i've linked it to in the database. but there are so many numbers - and so many books - that i can't remember the pairings of number and book for more than a few minutes, which distresses me a bit. so many great numbers here. 

$3.84

the going price for regular gas today. this is at one of two local stations across from each other that always show the same prices. i often wonder who changes their price first and how quickly the other follows suit. i'd love to catch that actually happening.

a few too many

these deposit slips make me crazy. why have so many boxes when most account numbers here are in the eight digit range? when i fill these out, i write my account numbers backwards, so the last digit is in the last box of the line. today the bank clerk tells me i don't have to do that and that there's no reason why these slips are printed the way they are. it's just what it is and will always be. 

XXX

my weight at my doctor's visit today. i take comfort only in the fact that i now know the bathroom scale is in fact accurate and i won't have to buy a new one like i was sure i'd have to.

132/78

my blood pressure at the aforementioned doctor's appointment. that's the lowest it's been in a long time. even though the assistant insisted it was okay, i still think these readings are skewed when taken through the long sleeve of the knit top you wore, totally forgetting that someone would be taking your BP.

at least 92

the age of the woman who welcomed  me as i walked into this store. dear God, i thought, don't ever make me have to go to work when i'm that old. a few minutes later i got my comeuppance when a tall blonde young woman approached me and said do you sell gas grills here?

$12

the price of this old needlework that i did not buy in the antique shop, even though i really liked the lacework and particularly the sentiment. i'm not sure i agree with it - but i like it!

17!

the number of people i saw driving and talking on their cell phones. c'mon people! i started counting a few minutes into my commute when i spotted the driver of a tractor trailer, while making two quick and consecutive right turns, talking on his cellphone. and yes, i did pull over here to answer mine.

5 

the age kids have to be around here to play t-ball. i bought this set to practice in the yard with the little girl so she'll know the rules and procedures when she's old enough - maybe next season!

22 

the number of pavers i purchased to replace the old brick border on the shade garden. it's about a dozen short of what i actually need. for all the bizarre interest i have in numbers, i'm really, really lousy at estimation.

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flowers overhead

in spring, so many trees flower first, then leaf out and produce seeds. click above to see.  amazing the colors and shapes of the diminutive little flowers so high overhead. 

mother's day

it appears that mother's day without one's mother does not necessarily get easier with time. at least, not yet. maybe next year. 

a budding writer

the little girl is at that wondrous stage where she's eager to indulge in any activity that involves letters or reading. so we find reasons to write whenever we can. after searching for the spot where she'd just minutes earlier relocated a sprouting acorn, i suggested she make a plant stick to mark the site, which she did. now she wants to make markers for anything that's green and growing!

apology

i love may. such an optimistic month of promise and rebirth. but it's busy as well, with pansies to plant, gardens to rake and hoe, wool and long-sleeves to retire until fall. job responsibilities increase in may as we march toward closure. may is the busiest month of the year. it's a good thing it's also one of the longest.

this week has been exceptionally involved and i have been remiss in my communications, save the ones that were flung over my shoulder as i bustled about. apologies to susan, who i spent a wonderful afternoon with and never even thanked. to nancy, who i owe an email and soon a phone call and miss terribly. to angela, who sent me the loveliest message to which i have yet to respond. to the girl, who i have seen more of lately and talked to less. and to you who read here, and you who write and photograph to share with me. i hope i can do better next week. 

ephemeral

ephemerals are spring plants that quickly sprout up, bloom, produce seeds, then go dormant again for the rest of the year. they take advantage of the spring moisture and the sunlight that floods the woods before the trees leaf out. dog toothed violets, trout lily, this is bloodroot that i planted years and years ago. every spring i check it and can't find it. i must just miss it. because here it is, right where i placed it so many years ago. 

peony

things grow so quickly here once the ground and the air warm. here in the garden is new growth of peony, poking vivid-pink through the soil. yesterday, it was still submerged and nowhere in sight.

early morn

early morning dew on the chives. i love the peace of this time of day, that i can be outside still in pajamas with coffee, especially on a glorious morning like this one. 

disclosure

a young mother has been missing in our state for a few days now. they found her toddler, alone but safe in a car but they could not locate the mother - until yesterday, when they found her, dead. i didn't know her. she didn't live here. i have no personal ties to this. yet this woman, her family, and her child have been on my mind and in my prayers for days. and now, with this outcome, i just feel so sad.

i know bloggers who curtail their normal daily commentary in light of world tragedy like hurricane katrina, the earthquake in haiti, the tsunami in japan, the ordeal of the chilean miners. i admire their stance. events like this shock and stun me, shake me to the core, and make me feel so despondent and helpless. yet i can find no suitable words to write to express the grief and heartache i feel for the people involved, especially the children. so i react to the horrific news by looking even harder for the beautiful or interesting things around me, to present in the blog as respite from the tragedy, if only for myself and not just for you, all the while keenly aware of how very blessed i am to have the life i have.

this post rolls around in my head every time there is sad news featured in the media. i hope if such news comes again, you'll look at my flowers and clouds and stars and understand how truly devastated i really feel. 

this is it!

just four days ago on this very spot, i stood in two inches of snow, wearing boots that i had to retrieve from the back of the closet. and now here i stand, in bare toes and sandals, listening to the sounds of peepers and a hermit thrush. i've waited a long time for this moment!

easter balloon 2011

it arrived later than other years, and via a florist this time, but my traditional easter balloon was again a focal point of the family celebration. many thanks to whoever does this for me year after year after year. 

last call

sometimes, all you can do is laugh at the weather...

especially when you know its effects will be gone by morning.

flower?

other than a christmas one, i've never had a cactus flower. until now! another surprise!

umbrella

don't you think every child should have an umbrella for spring rain? i bought this one for the little girl and had been waiting for the perfect time to bring it to her. sunday it rained, so that was the day. after a few minutes of practicing umbrella techniques and etiquette, the little girl walked alongside me regally, holding the umbrella close and peering out through the plastic bubble and up at the rain. she kept smiling up at me through the colored dots and i think i was every bit as excited as she was. as luck would have it, these past days have been showery with more to come in the remainder of the week. now that she's fashionably attired for it, i sure hope the little girl's having fun in this rainy weather!

weekend flower sightings

a shopping trip today took me away from my neighborhood and out to lower, dryer elevations. my heart fairly sang when i saw these diminutive flowers outside a gift shop, not even crocus or daffodil, which i might have expected, but glory-of-the-snow and a sweet miniature iris.

and these amazing little hens and chickens have changed my mind about this common plant. i love the tiny pink stems on those baby plants and the two complimentary shades of spring green. i mean to find some i can call my own!